so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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