I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
