i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
