I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
