i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
