I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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