Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
