do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
