I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
