yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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