I got chris browned last night
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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