the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
