I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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