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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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