I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
