I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
