Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
