how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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