Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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