I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
