My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
