I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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