found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
