I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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