I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
