8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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