So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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