I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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