Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
smell my finger.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
