i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
