Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
