Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
