Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
