Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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