His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
