At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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