Where did you get a picture of my penis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
