Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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