You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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