I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
