clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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