Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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