just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
