absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
