You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
