Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
