I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
