Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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