im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
