Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
