So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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